My husband doesn’t believe in bashert, a Yiddish word that means destiny or a predestined spouse. I try not to take it personally that he thinks I was simply at the right place at the right time.
I do believe in it. I believe that regardless of where I lived, where I went to college, the decisions I made, I would have met Guy at some point in my life.
A bashert is the Jewish notion of a soul mate. Some rabbis teach that 40 days before a male child is born, G-d announces whose daughter he will marry. According to Kabbalah, G-d divides a soul in half, into male and female, and when they finally meet in marriage, their bond returns.
Sometimes I am struck by the gravity of it all when I look at my family. That this person and I have vowed our lives to each other, brought children into this world, and are raising them to be [hopefully] proud Jews, conscientious citizens, and decent humans. To think of taking that path with anyone other than my husband is unfathomable to me. From our backgrounds (eerily similar), to our values (he’s more of a pick-and-chooser, especially with regards to kashrut, but other than that we’re similar), and our personalities (opposite ends of a spectrum), we complement and complete one another.
With soaring divorce rates, my sisters and I often talk about what the secret sauce is to make a marriage survive and thrive. Mounting pressures and blurring of traditional family roles have seemingly created internal family conflicts that did not necessarily exist for prior generations.
The key, and what’s made our marriage work, is trust and respect. I trust that my husband and my goals are aligned, and that everything we do is for the betterment of our family unit in one way or another. At different points in our journey it has meant we have both played different roles with the children and each other, sacrificing and taking a back seat in one aspect of our lives or another, to allow our partner to shine and to allow the family to thrive.
As we celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary at the end of this month, I still know that he was meant for me. That I was put on this earth to find him and create this family. And that even if he doesn’t believe that it was pre-determined or destined for us to have ended up together, I know there is no one else that he would rather have by his side...since last I heard Emmanuelle Chriqui wasn’t available.